Catching Up... (second candidating)

Within that following year, I would candidate again, not just once, but twice. The next time came a few months later when I got a call from a Pastor at a church in Pittsburgh, PA. I wasn't too excited about the prospect of moving someplace where we knew absolutely no one, and I knew it would be extremely hard, but it was an open door laid before us, so we decided to walk through it. The following is something I wrote explaining my experience that weekend...

Okay, so many of you have inquired about my weekend. I will give a detailed version here, so if you want the details -- keep reading, if not stop reading and go do something else! :)

Okay, so we flew out of Philly friday evening -- about 1 hour 15 minutes delayed.... and with MUCH turbulence. We were glad to be able to make the flight though, because MANY had been cancelled.

So, we got to the airport, the Pastor picked us up and took us to our hotel, at which we arrived at midnight and crashed.

Saturday was lunch with the Pastor, and one of the couples that helps out with youth group also joined us. We ate at a restaurant called Max & Ermas (apparantly a Pittsburg favorite). Then we headed to the church for a meeting with the youth workers.

There are 4 couples that work with the teens. All of them are young couples with children, but very committed to the teens and very involved in that ministry. They have been the ones keeping things going these past 4 months while the church has been without a youth pastor. We enjoyed getting to know them, however, in them getting to "know" us, we sat through 3 HOURS of questions! :)

Then we had a short break (just over an hour or so) and headed back to the church for the deacon interview over a pizza dinner. This interview and questioning, also lasted 3 HOURS. :) If you are adding up, yes, that is 6 HOURS in ONE DAY! It was crazy! It didn't necessarily feel that long going through it, but boy were we exhausted that night when we finally got back to our hotel around 10:00 and crashed (again).

Sunday morning, first thing was to the church to teach the teen sunday school class. There were 15-20 teenagers there, and I tried to interact with them and involve them in the lesson as I like to do. There were a few vocal ones there, but mostly they were quiet -- but in their defense, they didn't know, so they were quiet. I spoke on "Passionate Living - vs - The Sin Problem"

Sunday morning service, Pastor had Becky and I briefly share our testimonies. They also served communion, and if you want a funny story read this, if not, skip to next paragraph. (okay, so their "bread" was more like little cubes of shortbread. I was very intrigued by them, but evidently I was holding my cube of bread a bit too tightly, and next thing I know it has crumbled into many pieces in my hand, on my black pants, on the seat, and on the floor. I was left with powder in my hands, and the only two manageable sized pieces left that I would be able to put in my mouth without shoving my whole hand to my mouth were sitting on the floor. So I discretely bent over and picked up those two pieces while trying to wipe my pants and grind the crumbs into the carpet with my shoe so they would not be too noticeable. After eating those two small pieces I picked off the floor, I then shoved the handful of powder and crumbs still in my hand, into my pants pocket -- planning on discretely emptying that outside later. So the moral of this story is, if the bread intrigues you, don't let the fascination get the better of you until AFTER communion).

Okay, so after the service, they had another meeting, this time a chance for the congregation to ask us questions. About 30-40 people remained, and the questioning lasted an additional 30-40 minutes. Then it was off to Olive Garden for lunch (where my bowl of soup decided that some of it wanted to jump out of the bowl onto my sleeve, my tie, and my black pants! Agh! this wasn't my day for dealing with food).

Then we went back to the church to hang out with the teens. They were practicing to perform a Skit and some songs for a teen program they were doing in the service. I preached in the evening service on "Having a Faith That Steps Out". It all seemed to go well, and I actually was not really all that nervous. I even kinda enjoyed it, and the people seemed very receptive.

After the service (we were actually dismissed first) we jetted right out, got changed, packed the car, and were taken to the airport by one of the deacons so we could catch our flights out. We made it in time, thanks to getting past the stadium before the Steelers game let out, and even had time to get massages from those chairs at the Brookstone store. (free massages are always good).

My brother picked us up, and we were home without any further event, by 10:15, shortly thereafter, we once again crashed in bed.

Well, that is what I wrote then, I really wasn't sure what to think after this weekend. It sounded like a good opportunity, but truthfully, I just did not think it was a fit. We were willing though - just not looking forward to having to make the decision if the church called us. Thankfully, God made the decision for us, and the deacon board had decided to look elsewhere. Praise God for opening and closing doors -- it makes my decision much easier when the choice is not up to me.

Catching Up... (first candidating)

Things looked to be moving in a very positive direction. The Pastors were in full favor of bringing Becky and I on, we went before the deacons for an interview and they unanimously were also behind us. We were so excited. At this point the vote before the church seemed like almost a formality, because we had so many people saying positive and exciting things to us. In my mind, I tried to remain open to the possibility that it is NOT a done-deal yet, and things could still not work out with the church. The weekend came for me to preach in my church and go before the church for questioning, and even then - nothing too negative came forward. Yeah, I sure was scared to preach in church, but I had become more and more comfortable with being up front speaking because of the much experience I had gained with the teens and speaking to them.

My family was all able to be there for the candidating weekend, and we had a nice time with them, and everything seemed to go very well. I put in a provisional 2-week notice to the bank, because the pastor wanted me to start ASAP after the vote was official.

Well, April 30th came. It was a Bible study night (Becky and I had been conducting after church, small group Bible studies for 10th - 12th grade girls and guys separately). It was a business meeting night -- the church would vote after the service -- a vote that was destined to change my life (only I had no clue how much).

The service let out, Becky and I went to our respective locations for Bible study (mine being at our house) and I got things (mainly food) ready for the guys to come after the vote.

Well, Justin was the first guy to come to the house. I knew from his face that something had gone on, although I couldn't be convinced as to what it was. He asked if I wanted to know the result, and I told him no, not yet. Well the guys continued coming and began helping themselves to the food in the kitchen and about this time the Pastor arrives.

Well, I will try to cut the emotion (even though it was an extremely difficult evening) but there was not enough of a majority to call us to the position of youth pastor. We were a small handful of votes shy of being called. The Pastor was shocked, as was the church as a whole, and as were we. I had tried to prepare for this, so I went into recovery mode, and thankfully God spared me from too much emotion and frustration in the moment. I was able to thank the Pastor for taking the time to come down and tell me, and then went inside to conduct the Bible study.

Well, it "just so happened" that God was to have me talk about being crucified to Christ -- and that the things that happen in this life, happen for a reason and don't take God by surprise. It doesn't guarantee that it is always going to be easy or always going to be what we want. Our lives are for His glory, and we need to die to self, and die to what we want and say "Not my will, but Yours be done God." It was an emotional night with the guys as I shared this with them - but I praise God that I was able to still teach that in the midst of going through a situation just like the one I was sharing. It was very real to me in that moment.

I had tons of questions, and frustrations, and disbeliefs. In many respects I blamed myself for some things maybe I should have done differently. Other things came up which I won't dwell on now because they are in the past, but I was to find out the week after that rumors had gone around about me, lies had been told, and this was partly why the vote went as it did.

It proved to be the hardest year of my life--by far the most difficult trial I had ever gone through, but yet God blessed and used this time to draw us closer to Him.

I began really pursuing other options again, while at the same time I kinda took over the youth group at my church, because our previous youth pastor was now full-swing into his senior pastor responsibilities.

Catching Up... (looking for a ministry)

Okay, so now we find ourselves in the spring of 2004. My new wife and I had just completed our move to our first home (a duplex in the lovely neighborhood of Haddon Heights). We have settled on attending Haddon Heights Baptist Church where I have been attending off and on for several months, and where some of the teens I had as campers at NLI in past years. I was already remotely involved with the youth group there, and anticipated getting very involved.

And involved we did get. We were involved in the youth group as well as helping out the couple who had started the college & career ministry with that group. Eventually we would also jump into the music ministry at HHBC with my wife playing the harp, my playing the keyboard, being involved in cantatas, specials, worship teams, etc.

After about a year of being married, I carried on my pursuit of full-time ministry. There was a remote possibility that down the road the position was going to open up at HHBC, but we also looked into other options. I did not have much success with any pursuits the more time went on, and as time passed the possibility for a full-time position at our church also began to develop even more. I couldn't help but thinking how neat that would be if God were to work in that direction in our lives. Not too many churches were interested in me, because my "paper credentials" were not very desirable. Well here was an opportunity for a church to actually know me more than just what was written on paper.

Well, the day came when we were officially approached and asked to consider the full-time position. We thought about it and both were crazy about the idea. Now came the time to enter into our first official candidating experience.

My First and Second Girlfriend

Becky Meriwether.

To me, this girl was just a name. Just a piece of artwork on the board proclaiming to all other art students that she was better than I at art because my work was NOT on the board. One of those "natural" artists that so many of us like myself were jealous of.

Then second semester of my Freshman year rolled around and I had a class with this person. Upon getting to know her, I realized that she was not some stuck-up, snobby artist at all, but that she was a pretty cool girl. She even struggled at getting her drawings right sometimes and would conveniently place flowers to cover hands (haha, sorry Becky, couldn't resist).

Well, freshman year turned to sophomore, then turning to junior year. Each year having more and more classes with Becky - getting to know this girl more and more. At the end of our junior year we began to do things outside of class together (actually, it started with a date to the Varsity Commons earlier, but that went NOwhere). Things progressed between us and a relationship began. As the relationship began though, the school year came to a close. Because of my cautions and the distance that I knew summer would bring, I didn't officially ask her out until we returned to school the following fall for our senior year.

September 23, 2000. I ordered roses, had called her parents and asked for permission, and the night went off pretty well - and by night's end, I had my first girlfriend. Yes, as a 21 year old guy, this was my first girlfriend. There were interests when I was younger, but my philosophy of dating among other things, kept me from getting serious to the point of an official relationship until this first, my senior year of college.

We spent our senior year together, living the life of a PCC dating couple. About 6 months into our relationship my heart felt like it had changed. I was struggling each time it came time to tell this girl those three life-changing words "I love you." I didn't feel like I could say it and truly mean it, but yet I didn't want to break up with her and hurt her, so I tried to stick it out, figuring my emotions would catch up with me.

This could only last for so long. I was being torn up inside and I knew it was not fair to either of us to continue, so on one Sunday afternoon in April of 2001, I broke up with my first girlfriend. I was determined to remain friends and that the breakup was only temporary; however, the more time that went by, the more and more it seemed like a permanent arrangement. The only problem was that I could not get her out of my mind. I tried to go on dates with other girls - and did. But each time, I compared them back to Becky and they all fell short. I couldn't understand why I kept doing this - it didn't make sense to my understanding.

Fast forward to the summer of 2002 (yes, over a year later). I was in my summer of seminary classes, Becky was home for the summer as were all of my other friends - and I was determined to make sense of my emotions that summer and either forget Becky for good, or pursue her once more. After some very timely, and wise advice from my parents, I began the pursuit. It began as an email, then a phone call, then a visit to South Florida. It took a bit of convincing on my part that I was serious, but eventually she was "won over" and we both decided to do our relationship right the second time around. We spent one night a week together overlooking the bay, sitting on a wooden pier, sharing our hearts and praying together.

One of those nights, on November 7, 2002 I once again did the whole roses, calling the parents (that was really hard a second time), and asked Becky Meriwether to be my girlfriend. So, there you have it, my first and second girlfriend - both the same girl!

This time around, I was more ready for what God had for us, and on May 5, 2003 we became engaged, with an April 10, 2004 wedding date looming.

The next 10-11 months were spent mostly apart with me working and looking for a job and a place to live, and her planning our Florida wedding. We were married on April 10th, honeymooned in the mountains of Tennessee, and moved to Haddon Heights, NJ to begin our life together as one.

Catching Up (Seminary)

Okay, so I am up to seminary. I was scheduled for an additional 4 semesters, but managed to get the college to agree to me finishing in 3 so I could graduate with my class. I really enjoyed the seminary classes (for the most part). I loved focusing on the Bible and learning more in each and every class. Another of the perks of being in the seminary was the ability to get really involved in ministry in a local church. I became a part of Burgess Road Baptist Church working under Youth Pastor (and classmate) Ryan Flanders. I had a small group of my own in the youth group and also had the opportunity to get involved in the music ministry at BRBC. I really enjoyed my time there and getting to rub shoulders and get to know others in the ministry there.

During my time in seminary, God used several circumstances to just be able to focus on the me-and-Him relationship. During this time I made a very good friend in a fellow seminarian and brother-in-Christ, F.G. Homsher. F.G., if you ever read this - know that God used you to play a big role in my life. We would spend many, many nights up late (or, early rather) sitting in the hall (as both of our roommates went to bed) and talk about life, girls, theology, Christian life, music, brothers, parents, missions, church planting, etc. Just generally sharing life and our hearts for ministry together. We spent several nights at the end of our hall sitting in a corner and pouring our hearts out in prayer - often over the noise of 7 floors of college guys above us pouring the trash down the shoot.

Along with F.G. and some special girls, we also were involved in a Bible Club for children in a poor neighborhood nearby. What special kids those were - I have many fond memories of my days in "the hood" as we affectionately called it. I often wonder what those boys and girls (now teenagers and young adults) are up to. (note to self: I need to be praying more for them)

The summer in the middle of my seminary years I stayed on campus and took summer classes. 12 credits in 6 weeks to be exact. Wow, what crazy times those were. Talk about intensive learning. Pretty much we lived, breathed, ate, and slept seminary those 6 weeks (not necessarily in that order). I was bummed that I was unable to spend that summer on staff at New Life Island (the first in since 1995 at that point). I spent the first Christmas of seminary with my good friend F.G. and his amazing family in "Little Fork", Colorado and got to experience my first skiing. What a great nearly-2 weeks those were. The next Christmas was spent with my girlfriend's family in South Florida. (quite a difference from snowy Colorado)

You may wonder why I did not go home - well, at this point my family (most of it) was in Capetown, South Africa, serving the Lord as missionaries. Maybe that will be a topic for another blog sometime, but not now. In fact, I am getting off-track, back to seminary.

I graduated from seminary in May of 2003. Two days before graduation, I proposed to my girlfriend who happily (I think) accepted. That story is also for another blog post. I them moved back "home" where I returned to New Life Island to spend one last summer of ministry with them. "Home" was rather an ambiguous term for me at this point. NLI was more my home than anything. Pretty much all I owned was with me there, aside from some storage items in my childhood home attic (the church parsonage). I spent weekends bouncing around between friend's houses, my brother's couch, and anywhere else I could crash without imposing too much.

At this point in my life, I wasn't really sure how it would work out, but I was confident that I absolutely had to be in full-time youth ministry. I began making contacts and phone calls, and even interviewed at a church near Trenton, NJ. The possibility seemed like such a long shot. Here I was with no "Pastoral Experience". Sure, I had a master's degree in Bible, but no "pastoral or ministerial" degree. I felt like such a "kid" seeking the impossible. I knew though that my God is a God of the impossible. And that He likes to use the weak things of the world to confound the wise.

I finished at camp in October 2003, and began working a temp job at a local bank. As my April 10, 2004 wedding date rapidly approached and no full-time jobs looking positive in the ministry, I accepted a full-time position at the bank I was working for and that began as soon as I got back from the honeymoon. My search for the perfect job, full-time youth ministry did NOT stop however.
My April 10, 2004 wedding date was quickly approaching, and with